Where Have I taken myself this time?
I got that old familiar feeling; I was back at ground zero. I knew I’ve been here before. At the Bottom of the barrel; regretting another bad choice life has decided to throw at me.
Everything is subjective to the eye of the beholder. I realize that my luck hasn’t been working out for me Lately. Hell; its hasn’t been for years; It dried up along time ago.
I’ve recently decided that in order to obtain something that can actually make me happy. I had to find it; look for it; reach out and grab it.
Put the past behind me; Try to forget the scars and heartache. Move forward from all the depressing and fucked up things that have made me who I am.
No matter where I searched; I couldn’t find anything justifiable to quench my thirst in this shit hole of a world.
Why has god deprived me of the good things in life. Why was I doomed to be forsaken every turn of the way.
All I wanted was a decent woman that wasn’t a using cunt bag. Someone nice with a defined set of morals. Someone I can stand that wasn’t blind; corrupt; or stupid.
Someone I could sit in the same room with and stand for more than ten minutes. That had interesting things to say; Someone I could wake up next to and smile that she in fact did exist in my life.
That day will never come; It’s a losing battle; Having faith in mankind is like hoping the Cubs will in fact win the world series someday in the near future.
Trying to find her. Always invited trouble in for me. It was always the wrong kind of women. Here Lately; I was thinking that’s all there was anymore. Just the wrong kinds.
If they did exist; they were locked up away from the world. With no where to look; I gave up.
Now; with no where to look and nothing to find. I’m finding most of my answers in the bottom of a bottle and in a full ash tray. Mask my emotions; Block them out; play it safe.
The more I live like this; the more fucked up I’m becoming like the world around me. But I don’t want to fit into the picture. I’m art; not some everyday nobody.
The world will never understand me, my complexity’s. Its the blind leading the blind out there and I feel like the only motherfucker that can see.
I need to turn off this road; find a new way. But I’m outta options; and outta gas. Maybe I’ll meet someone like me; broken down; drowning in their own self pity. Along the way.
Condemned to the same shitty lifestyle; they never wanted.